Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am one with the molecules
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
