so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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