i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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