Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
