Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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