My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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