Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
