See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
