Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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