Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
