I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
