Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
