um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
