Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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