Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
