At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
