dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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