Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
