This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize