why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
