and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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