She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
