I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
