i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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