i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do herpes really smell.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
