There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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