In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
