he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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