you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
