You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I want a musical about memes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
