Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
