For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize