My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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