I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
