I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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