mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
