woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize