Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize