What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
