Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize