butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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