Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
