I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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