i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
