yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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