I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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