Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A bitchslap is in order.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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