I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
