He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
