would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
