we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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