Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
