I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
