you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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