I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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