Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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