I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
