Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
