I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
