The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
