she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
