Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
