i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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