so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
