No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
