I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
