College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
