i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
