Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
