I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
