I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
