That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
