There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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