A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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