1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
