Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize