redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
