My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
